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"It Was a Shit Show (Explicit)"
Starring Santino Fontana and Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger, Jack Dolgen and Aline Brosh McKenna.

Greg:
I LOVE YOU, YES. AND I’LL CONFESS
THE THOUGHT OF STAYING IS SO ENTICING.

Rebecca:
Then stay.

AND WHEN YOU SPEAK
MY KNEES GET WEAK
I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT I’M SACRIFICING.
BUT LET’S GET REAL
WE KNOW THE DEAL
SO DARLING, LET’S NOT TIPTOE.
THIS THING WE HAD
WAS NOT JUST BAD
IT WAS A SHITSHOW.

Rebecca:
Greg, come on, it wasn't exactly--

Greg:
Shh, let me finish.

WE CAN’T UNDO. CAN’T MAKE AMENDS.
DYSFUNCTION IS OUR LINGUA FRANCA.
WE CAN’T UNSCREW EACH OTHER’S FRIENDS—
WE’RE JERRY SPRINGER, NOT CASABLANCA.
THERE’S HARD TO GET. THEN THERE’S NEGLECT.
TO SAY IT’S FATE, YOU’D HAVE TO BE A BIT SLOW.
NOT TO BE CRASS
BUT THIS SUCKED ASS
THIS WAS A SHITSHOW.

CHERNOBYL NEXT TO US LOOKS LIKE A CAMPFIRE!

Rebecca:
Okay, I get it. I get it.

Greg:
HURRICANE KATRINA WAS JUST BAD WEATHER!
WE HAVE CHEMISTRY, OF COURSE,
BUT THAT’S A FORMULA FOR DIVORCE
A PLAY ABOUT PIECES OF FECES IS WHAT WE ARE TOGETHER!

Rebecca:
Greg...

Greg:
OH, WHAT THE HELL. LET’S GET A HOTEL.
‘CAUSE LIFE IS SHORT AND WE’RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
BUT AFTER SEX, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
I MEAN IN THE LONG RUN, NOT JUST FATIGUE AND HUNGER?
AND WHEN YOU SAY THAT I SHOULD STAY
THAT’S EXACTLY WHEN I SHOULD SPLIT. THOUGH,
I WON’T FORGET. I WON’T REGRET—

THIS BEAUTIFUL, HEARTSTOPPING,
BREATHTAKING, LIFECHANGING...!